I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I looked at my own cervix.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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