She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I still have a little drunk in my system
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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