I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
