Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
