just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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