Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
