I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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