Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
