why didn't you poke me back
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
