there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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