I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Who died my cat blue again?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
