Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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