Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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