If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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