Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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