I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
