i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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