How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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