so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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