The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will be naked everywhere
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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