How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
