corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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