I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
