Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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