All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
