butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
