i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
honey bunches of taint.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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