she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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