I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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