remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
