Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
