If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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