i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
