i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
