I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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