You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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