forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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