Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
