Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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