can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
