just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
