a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
