it wasn't lemon gatorade
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
