The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
