Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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