Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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