you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
