I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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