you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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