I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
