You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
