a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you made out with another girl for some wings
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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