I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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