I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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