Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
