I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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