talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How does one acquire holy water?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
