Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
