that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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