There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
