Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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