Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
