My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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