so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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