All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
