He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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