woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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