I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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