so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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