The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
