How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
