make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
