He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize