shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
