Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
