I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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