OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
