i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
