I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize