just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
