I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize