im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
