im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
