it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
