woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
