no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
