Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
