It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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