I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
