was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
