he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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