just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
