Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
