Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
