also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
